24/7

24/7 prayer is going on at the church now. It started Sunday and goes until Easter. God is up to something!!!

Audience of One

One more day to go of isolation. Kinda wierd. So yes, there have been lots of "lessons" He is teaching me throughout all of this. What I thought were my "needs" often are my "wants". We have tried to teach this lesson to our children, that there is a difference between needs and wants. What I want is to be free to go wherever I want, to serve others, to have all of my family and friends see Jesus and fall in love with Him. What I need, however, is that He alone can fill my wants, and I have to totally depend on Him. Depend on His timing, not mine. Depend on His ordained opportunities, not my man-made grab-the-bull-by-its-horns gusto. Sometimes it is better to receive than give. That's a hard one for me.

I have received many cards, prayers, flowers,meals, goodie baskets and well-wishes from so many. My brother sent me 2 dozen roses! I was blown away. My son told me that he did love me, it's just his job to give me grief every now and then. It was still good to hear.

I read a couple of good books.

The first was "The Call" by Rick Joyner. It's about visions/dreams he has experienced about the Lord's return. But more important, it's about the state of the church and what we need to do to prepare for His return. I was struck by the way he describes worship from Jesus,
"When even the most humble church sings to My Father with true love in their hears He silences all of heaven to listen to them. He knows that one cannot help but to worship when they are beholding His glory here, but when those who are living in such darkness and difficulty sing with true hearts to Him, it touches Him more than all of the myriads of heaven can. Many times, the broken notes from earth caused all of heaven to weep with joy as they beheld My Father being touched. A few holy ones struggling to express their adoration for Him has many times caused Him to weep. Every time I see My brethren touch Him with true worship, it makes the pain and grief I knew on the cross seem like a small price to pay. Nothing brings Me more joy than when you worship My Father. I went to the cross so that you could worship Him through Me. It is in this worship that you, the Father and I are all one."

The other one was a fictional novel about religious persecution in China. It was based on much fact, but fictional characters. I won't give away the whole story, but there is a character who becomes a martyr for Christ. The book describes the reuniting of him to Christ in heaven and entitles Christ as "The Audience of One." This about blew me away. Back in December, I wrote a song with the same title:

Standing at the foot of your throne

I am an audience of one.

No performance

Just you and me, Lord

Oh, to dance and sing in your presence exhilarates me!

Your pureness and passion for us

draws me to my knees,

where I kneel before you,

an audience of one.

Sometimes, God just blows me away!

cells

So lots of things have happened since I last posted. OK, confession time, I lost my password and finally found it today. Can't say that it's a good excuse, but it's mine for now. Lots have happened to us lately. It wasn't bad enough that Mike broke his ankle nearly a year ago, had to spend 8 weeks in a cast. It wasn't bad enough that on the 4th of July I tore my tendon in my knee and ended up undergoing surgery for that and about 6 weeks out of work. Actually, all the horrible events in our lives have made us a bit physically weaker, but more spiritually stronger. I am truly greatful for the lessons that the Lord is teaching us about depencency. He taught me about true dependency on Him for my life's circumstances. Next lesson: being alone in His presence.

I thought I really knew what it was like to be alone. I hate being alone. I usually waste alone time with "fillers" or sleep. Just over a month ago, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Not very easy for me to swallow or admit. I felt totally out of control. OK, He's in control not me. At least, that's what I would keep saying. I want to be mad. I want to have a pity party. I want to be stoic. I want to let Him take care of it. I want to hide in bed.

I didn't have much choice about what I could do. So I made appointments. I had tests. I had surgery. I rearranged my schedule. I finally gave it to Him. It sucked. But at least I had peace. I can't explain how, but I had peace. I had lots of people praying for me also. I found out that it is hard for me to ask for prayer. I don't like to be needy. I don't like to be weak. I had no choice, well, actualy I did.

The next step now is a bit harder I admit. After surgery, I had to undergo ablation by radioactive iodine. 3 days of complete home isolation, and a total of 2 weeks isolation no closer that 6 feet to human contact. Small price to pay for inhilation of any remaining cancer cells. But it still sucks. I love to hug. It's what I do. Well, not for 9 more days. I'll survive.

Lessons: coming soon to a blog near you