Kathy's Korner of the World

Heart Transplant

2009-01-21T08:18:00.004-06:00

So, here's the question being formulated. Not so much my answer to it, but what I could perceive as the debate about it. It goes like this:

Suppose your only child, or grandchild had an extremely rare heart condition. You were the only one in the world that had a match for a transplant. Donating your heart would mean that you had to die in order to give it to them to live, would you do it??

And so the debates would begin:

A. There must be another way. Nope, this is the child's only hope to live.
B. It is unethical. This is a debate going far beyond my years. Again, this is a hypothetical situation. This is also at the heart of the late-term abortion debates, as in preserving the life of the mother...
C. Maybe there is a way to buy time, and with that time another way out may be discovered. Again, refer back to A.

Ok, so let's say that you have decided that for the love of this child, you would make this sacrifice. Let's take it a step further...

What if this was the child of someone you don't know.

Many would be able to stop here citing the responsibilities to their own family as justification. But let's dig a bit deeper for those who would still be willing for the sake of this precious child...

What if this was the child of a murderer?
What if this was not a child?
What if this were a drug addict? A murderer? An orphan? A person of another race??

To me, it doesn't matter. Yes this is hypothetical, but here's the reality:

Jesus came to earth to do this very thing. He died in the place of everyone who is willing to have his heart transplanted into ours. He did this willingly and unbiased. It doesn't matter the race, the age, the sex, or if the recipient was deemed worthy or not. He did it simply because it was the ONLY way. You and I have a rare heart condition that will lead to death without a transplant of the only donor who is compatable. Are you willing to receive this heart?

Am I really as accepting of change as I thought I was?

2009-01-03T16:04:00.002-06:00

So, I've been getting some new revelations to ponder....

Am I really as accepting of change as I thought I was?

I've always prided myself to being adaptable to change. At least that what I thought. I'm realizing that I am still a creature of habit.

My new job is good. I have finished with orientation, I am now on my own. However, I have realized that most of my time has been spent looking at certain aspects of my job and -dare I say it?- complaining that it is not the same as my old one. The equipment is different. The charting is different. Much different. It seems very archeic to me. I find myself saying, "this is how we did it," referring to my last place of work.

We are at a new church. I love the people here. I love the worship. Yet, I find myself comparing it to our last church. Not so much complaining, yet still that same old "this is how we did it" attitude encroaching.

I haven't joined a new chorus yet. At this point, I'm afraid that all I will do is compare it to my old one and I don't have the energy for that.

I'm trying to be flexible. I am trying to see the good, learn from the old and move forward. I just guess I didn't know that it would be so hard at times. Maybe I am not as accepting of change as I thought I was.

Still trying.

stuck

2008-12-11T08:47:00.002-06:00

So, this is where I get stuck.
I have all these thoughts running through my head, but don't know how to sort them out.
Every morning it's like making a checklist of my present circumstances.

Waiting for job to start Monday, trailing off to the unknown thoughts of the job, will I like it? Is is the right place for me? Am I good enough? Is this where God wants me?

Christmas is coming. What should I plan for that day? Did I spend too much money? Did I send everything out? How am I going to feel without the girls here? What does God have in store for their future?

Mike's Job. He hates his job. Should I just tell him to suck it up for now? Is this really where God wants him? Is he doing something wrong? Is he not doing something he should? How do I pray for the people that are driving him crazy when I don't have any contact with them? Does it matter that I don't have any contact with them? How can I be an encouragement to Mike when I know he really doesn't like it here? Is he just not giving it a chance? Am I being selfish in wanting him to like it? Should I be encouraging him to do something else? What does God want us to do?

Michael will probably be joining the National Guard. Should I be encouraging this decision? Will he come back to a relationship with God? Should I be more blunt with him and possibly push him away? Do I really want him to go? What is God calling him to do?

Church life. I really love this new church and getting to know the people there. Still, there's that question as to my function. Should I be doing something? Should I just be using this time to soak and be quiet? Am I too trusting? Am I holding back? What does God want me to do within this body of believers to further his Kingdom?

Living in Texas. Texas? Why here? Do I like it here? Does it matter if I like it? Am I afraid to like it and be plucked away? Texas? Why did I have to move so far away? Would I ever want to go back? Back to what? What if I like it here and Mike doesn't? Is this home? Is this temporary? Why did God bring us here? Am I missing what He wants to show us?

And so goes the questions. Which, I guess, ultimately lead to the same question. God, what do you want of me? I want to be willing. I think I am willing. Will I ever know for sure? What do I do until I am sure? How can I serve You?

Surviving the Holidays

2008-11-27T21:11:00.002-06:00

Well, it's my first holiday since moving and somehow I managed to survive. Today was also Melissa's birthday. I talked to her about 3 times today, Michelle too. It was hard to not be with them, but they had their plans also. I guess it's all about moving on. Still, a bit hard. Mike, Michael and I had a nice turkey dinner. Then we played a couple of games of Monopoly. Mike creamed us both times, but it was fun. I'm so thankful for the phone and being able to talk to family today. Michael and I went to a dinner last night with some people from church. It was nice to be with others and getting to know them better. Nothing like a good meal to do that. Guess that's what community is all about. I'm learning.
Don't get to start orientation at my new job until Dec. 15th. It got pushed back because HR was not able to get me processed earlier. I also found out that I'm only going to be working on ICU. They said that they were very impressed with me during my peer interviews. I'm glad. Hope I don't let them down.
Had a weird dream last night, or was it this morning? Anyways, all I remember is that I was at a hospital and was sent to take patients in an area that they were opening up because the hospital was getting full. I remember looking out of a window and seeing a tornado overhead. I knew that I was safe where I was at, but the tornado caused two fires at nearby buildings. I knew that I would be helping to take care of the injured. Then I woke up. Don't know what all this means yet, but I will keep praying about it.

New Job!

2008-11-16T08:20:00.002-06:00

So, I was offered a position at both hospitals. I did have formal interviews at both.

Hospital A (St. David's) continued to impress me. I met with the nurse educator, who is also the supervisor for the IMC. (intermediate care unit) She also lives in Hutto, which was cool. They are willing to be flexible and let me take a PRN (as needed) schedule on both ICU and IMC. This would allow me the time for training, and be put on the list for full time day shift. They seem more interested in doing the job right, than the aesthetics of the hospital. Not that the hospital is not appealing, it is, it is just not their main focus.

As suspected, Hospital B (Seton Hospital )is a very new facility. The unit is a combined ICU/IMC unit and you could have assignments in either at any given time. The director of the unit used the word "flexible" several times throughout the interview. This was a red flag for me. My translation of it: "We're very new and not fully staffed, so we need you to do whatever you are able to help us grow." Been there. Done that.

Needless to say, I turned down Seton and chose St. Davids. It is a bit further to travel, and about 0.13 cents less per hour, but I don't care. I think what I will learn and the service I can give to the patients (and not the hospital system) will be much more beneficial in the long run.

Thank you Lord for providing these opportunities. I pray that I can serve you well through this job.

Homesick

2008-11-12T07:39:00.001-06:00

So, I guess some of it is getting to me. I woke up yesterday feeling very homesick and missing my girls. I guess it's the realization that I can't just pop over to see them, or that the door won't come flying open with one of them coming inside. So I did what most do, I cried. Through my tears I also prayed. I felt as though God was telling me that He knew how I was feeling. I felt better. He never ceases to suprise me! Out of the blue, I received an e-mail from an old friend. It was nice to catch up! This is the third time since moving that I've heard from someone out of my past. Guess it's a small world after all! Have a job interview today and tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous, but still, I'm excited. Still miss home. Guess I wouldn't appreciate it if I didn't miss it so much!

dilemas

2008-11-08T09:23:00.001-06:00

Well, it's been an interesting week for me. I visited a couple of hospitals for possible employment. There are some really good opportunities, but with some dilema.

Hospital A: After some research on the internet, I was in contact with the nurse recruiter and she seemed very nice. She didn't seem to know a whole lot about the facility we were discussing. I did find out that Hospital A has several other hospitals in this area, and she was recently changed from recruiter for their main branch to now include this one. I went there and was able to meet with the director of the ICU there. He is also the director of their step-down unit. (CCU) The hospital itself is about 25-30 years old and has several additions to it. The people were nice, but there seemed to be no dress code, as on of their registers was wearing blue jeans and a t-shirt. The ICU handles a lot more acuity than I am used to, but desire nonetheless. I was very impressed with the teamwork I observed. They were very basic and not a lot of frills with the hospital design. It was pretty raw. I liked that! After a quick unannounced tour of the ICU, he gave me his business card and told me to call next week, where could have a more formal interview and I could have a more inclusive tour of the ICU and CCU. We were able to discuss the process of training and I was very satisfied that employment here would be an awesome learning experience and I would not be pushed in areas out of my expertise, but would also be provided with the training necessary to handle the tough cases. In order to have this next meeting, I would need to fill out the information and job application. I did. Travel time from home 20 minutes.

Hospital B: I visited the website of this facility as well. They are the biggest competitor to Hospital A, as they also have several facilities in the area. I clicked on the link to have a nurse recruitor contact me. This was on Monday. Didn't hear anything. I thought perhaps I may have entered my new phone number incorrectly, so on Thursday, I re-entered my information. Still, no contact. I was going there blindly, but optomistic. As I drove in the parking lot, I realized that this was a fairly new building. As it turns out, they opened last February. The architecture reminded me very much of Kish, my old stomping ground. Walking in the atrium, I felt as if I were walking into a sterile environment. I met with a gal from human resources, who was very kind. In order to talk to anyone or get a tour, I again needed to fill out an application. I did. Trying to keep an open mind. We talked for a bit and I gained some insight to this facility. They seem to be very much into the "healing atmosphere" of the architecture. I have some reservations, as I have learned from past experiences that often those so concerned with the atmosphere, tend to overlook the needs of the staff for their patients that they care for. I have to admit that I do not have "warm fuzzies" about this one, but I will remain open minded until I am able to see the unit for myself. They are supposed to be contacting me next week to set up a day to tour.

I have spent much time in prayer about where God wants me to go. He has taught me that I need to use the talents He has given me for His honor. Being a good nurse honors God if I am a servant for Him and not myself. But what exactly does all this mean? Through my experience, I am a good mentor and charge nurse for Med/Surg. I am an encourager. I am good at helping people believe grow in their giftings. I am also an excellent nurse to my patients. They come first, not all the hype about making the hospital look good, but being there for my patients. I guess that's where my first love in nursing is and I guess that's where I need to be.

It scares me to death. The unknown. Do I have what it takes to take care of open-heart patients? Do I have all the skills needed for quick decisions that can mean life or death for someone? The answer is "no" but I'm willing to learn.

Updates

2008-11-06T08:37:00.000-06:00

My story. It's still a work in progress, but I'll get you caught up to the present. It's been a whirlwind for the last several years for us. Around the time that I graduated nursing school in 2004, Mike and I co-owned a new restaurant. We were more the silent partners as we both had full time jobs. At that time, Mike was working for Waste Management as a maintenance supervisor. Needless to say, the restaurant was not able to turn the corner so we closed the doors after a year. Financially, it sucked us dry, and we made lots of mistakes. Don't get me wrong, we made a lot of good decisions too, but financially, it really sunk us. To make matters worse, the following year, Waste Management decided to let Mike go after 27 years of service. No severance, no nothing. A lot of BS along the way. We talked to a lawyer who assured us that we had a good case against them, but the hard part was the cost it would be having it dragged through the court system. We decided to drop it. (you may want to grab a cup of coffee, the story doesn't end here) Three days after Mike was let go, he was pursuing another dream of his that he began the year earlier. He was going for his solo certification in sky diving. (yes, I even went on a tandem jump on our 20th wedding anniversary! It was so fun!) Anyways, as he was completing his landing, he caught an updraft of wind and ended up breaking his ankle in 3 places. He was not able to put any weight on it for 8 weeks. Not to mention, he couldn't even collect unemployment during that time, because he was not physically employable. We began to toy with ideas for businesses and decided that it would be good for him to go into consulting for heavy equipment. So, we launched MK Consulting Associates. (more about that later) Three months after his ankle and as he was able to walk with a cane, we went to a picnic for the 4th of July. I, not remembering that I was not as young as I used to be, decided to play a friendly game of volleyball. That ended up abruptly when my knee decided to give out. I ended up tearing my ACL, but not completely. I did have surgery on it and lots of rehab. I now have 20% of my ACL left, but it functions. Mike and I actually did rehab together. It was actually rather a funny sight! We have both healed since and continued to pursue our consulting business as I still worked as a nurse. We were also distributors for some of the products Mike endorsed through the business. We attended several trade shows and things were starting to pick up. Check out our website:
MK Consulting Associates/Home
During that time in 2006, we faced another emotional hurdle. We had to put down our oldest dog, Butch. He was 15 years old and he was Mike's best friend (dog). It was so hard for him as they had been through so much. This was a huge loss to Mike. Two years ago, we hit another bump in the road as it was discovered that I had thyroid cancer. Another surgery and a treatment of radioactive iodine has taken care of it. I just had my last scan in September and received a clean bill of health. Not something I wish for anyone, but I am grateful that there is a cure for it. In this past year however, with the economy slowing, so did our business. Mike has a real talent for understanding heavy equipment and maintenance, but nobody is looking to spend money, which in the long run could save money. (might want to top off that cup of coffee) Financially, we were sinking between the loss of the restaurant and several bills that still went with it, medical bills and not enough income, we finally decided to file for bankruptcy. We had done all we could for as long as we could. During the time of this process, Mike had been working with a job hunter and he received a call about this company in Texas. At first, Mike didn't want to consider it because of the location. Mike is a northern boy! He loves his snow and the thought of going to a hot climate did not resonate with him. After we looked at their website: Texas Disposal Systems we decided that they deserved a closer look. At first site, they described a company that has all the ideals that we so longed for in a business, and they were doing it. Mike agreed to an interview and they ended up sending both of us here, all expenses paid for two days to see the area and get to know the company. This all took place only 1 week after finalizing our bankruptcy. If you view their website, be sure to watch the video! They truly are everything they say they are. We told them everything I just told you and left nothing out. They couldn't be more excited to offer Mike the position of industrial maintenance supervisor. We accepted. That's how we landed here.
Now, don't think that Mike and I are exceptionally strong people, we aren't. We are strong in our faith and it has guided us and allowed us to walk through these situations.
So what have I learned in all of this?
1. There is a God
2. I'm not Him
3. He answers prayers
4. He never stops caring for us
We truly believe that God has a purpose for us in all of this and who are we to question Him? All we can do is serve Him with the talents and gifts that He has given to us, no matter where He calls us to do it.

24/7

2007-04-04T06:23:00.000-05:00

24/7 prayer is going on at the church now. It started Sunday and goes until Easter. God is up to something!!!

Audience of One

2007-04-03T09:23:00.000-05:00

One more day to go of isolation. Kinda wierd. So yes, there have been lots of "lessons" He is teaching me throughout all of this. What I thought were my "needs" often are my "wants". We have tried to teach this lesson to our children, that there is a difference between needs and wants. What I want is to be free to go wherever I want, to serve others, to have all of my family and friends see Jesus and fall in love with Him. What I need, however, is that He alone can fill my wants, and I have to totally depend on Him. Depend on His timing, not mine. Depend on His ordained opportunities, not my man-made grab-the-bull-by-its-horns gusto. Sometimes it is better to receive than give. That's a hard one for me.

I have received many cards, prayers, flowers,meals, goodie baskets and well-wishes from so many. My brother sent me 2 dozen roses! I was blown away. My son told me that he did love me, it's just his job to give me grief every now and then. It was still good to hear.

I read a couple of good books.

The first was "The Call" by Rick Joyner. It's about visions/dreams he has experienced about the Lord's return. But more important, it's about the state of the church and what we need to do to prepare for His return. I was struck by the way he describes worship from Jesus,
"When even the most humble church sings to My Father with true love in their hears He silences all of heaven to listen to them. He knows that one cannot help but to worship when they are beholding His glory here, but when those who are living in such darkness and difficulty sing with true hearts to Him, it touches Him more than all of the myriads of heaven can. Many times, the broken notes from earth caused all of heaven to weep with joy as they beheld My Father being touched. A few holy ones struggling to express their adoration for Him has many times caused Him to weep. Every time I see My brethren touch Him with true worship, it makes the pain and grief I knew on the cross seem like a small price to pay. Nothing brings Me more joy than when you worship My Father. I went to the cross so that you could worship Him through Me. It is in this worship that you, the Father and I are all one."

The other one was a fictional novel about religious persecution in China. It was based on much fact, but fictional characters. I won't give away the whole story, but there is a character who becomes a martyr for Christ. The book describes the reuniting of him to Christ in heaven and entitles Christ as "The Audience of One." This about blew me away. Back in December, I wrote a song with the same title:

Standing at the foot of your throne

I am an audience of one.

No performance

Just you and me, Lord

Oh, to dance and sing in your presence exhilarates me!

Your pureness and passion for us

draws me to my knees,

where I kneel before you,

an audience of one.

Sometimes, God just blows me away!

cells

2007-03-26T16:28:00.000-05:00

So lots of things have happened since I last posted. OK, confession time, I lost my password and finally found it today. Can't say that it's a good excuse, but it's mine for now. Lots have happened to us lately. It wasn't bad enough that Mike broke his ankle nearly a year ago, had to spend 8 weeks in a cast. It wasn't bad enough that on the 4th of July I tore my tendon in my knee and ended up undergoing surgery for that and about 6 weeks out of work. Actually, all the horrible events in our lives have made us a bit physically weaker, but more spiritually stronger. I am truly greatful for the lessons that the Lord is teaching us about depencency. He taught me about true dependency on Him for my life's circumstances. Next lesson: being alone in His presence.

I thought I really knew what it was like to be alone. I hate being alone. I usually waste alone time with "fillers" or sleep. Just over a month ago, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Not very easy for me to swallow or admit. I felt totally out of control. OK, He's in control not me. At least, that's what I would keep saying. I want to be mad. I want to have a pity party. I want to be stoic. I want to let Him take care of it. I want to hide in bed.

I didn't have much choice about what I could do. So I made appointments. I had tests. I had surgery. I rearranged my schedule. I finally gave it to Him. It sucked. But at least I had peace. I can't explain how, but I had peace. I had lots of people praying for me also. I found out that it is hard for me to ask for prayer. I don't like to be needy. I don't like to be weak. I had no choice, well, actualy I did.

The next step now is a bit harder I admit. After surgery, I had to undergo ablation by radioactive iodine. 3 days of complete home isolation, and a total of 2 weeks isolation no closer that 6 feet to human contact. Small price to pay for inhilation of any remaining cancer cells. But it still sucks. I love to hug. It's what I do. Well, not for 9 more days. I'll survive.

Lessons: coming soon to a blog near you

ramblings

2006-10-29T20:57:00.000-06:00

So, it's been quite some time. I'm still not used to this "blogging" thing. Life's been crazy busy still. It's amazing. Sometimes it seems to take forever to "recover" only to realize that I'm right in the midst of the next situation. I'm feeling pretty good though. The Lord is good. Been reading the Bible more lately and I am facinated every time I read it. Seems like I was hoping for more time, I got it and then didn't do the things I was hoping to do with it. God has an amazing way of keeping things in perspective though. I'm starting to get a better understanding of what Kingdom theology is all about. Ok, maybe not ALL about, but it's making lots more sence to me, which is really freeing. Too tired to blog about it, but it is worth mentioning. Love to chat about it over coffee sometime. Did I mention how much I love coffee???? I have a mug at work. It's a great coffee mug. It says, "Queen of Caffine" on it. I feel the royalty every time I drink it. People know where I sit because of it. Life is good, but time for sleep

Time

2006-06-21T20:40:00.000-05:00

Overtime....time-out...recovery time....wasted time...extra time....timeless....need time...take time....make time...whew! I could go into a rendition of Turn, Turn, Turn and Ecclesiastics! Seems like I never have enough time. Time has been such an interesting concept to me lately. I have been working a lot of overtime, but it seems that I never have enough time for what I think I really want to do. When I do have time on my hands, it seems like I'm too tired to do all the things I wish I could do, if only I had the time. It gets a bit frustrating. I've been trying to be faithful in reading the Bible in a year. As I looked at it today, I realized that I've fallen a few days behind. Guess it's time for catch up. I also realized that I am so grateful because God lives outside the boundaries of time. "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." -Lam 3:23 What a great thing to realize. It is NEW, EVERY morning. God wakes up with us, everyday and it is NEW to Him. There is redemption in Him. God always has time for me, I need to keep making time for Him.

Trying something new

2006-06-06T11:07:00.000-05:00

I guess I've waited long enough and am now trying to join the rest of the blogging world. Don't know how long this will last or how well I'll keep up, but I will sure try. Life has been interesting. Lots going on and lots left to do. Sometimes I feel its all I can do to keep up. I know that God is trying to teach me to remain focused, even in the midst of a lot of activity. I am learning that it is best to focus on one task before going on to the next. I caught myself when cleaning up the other day. Same old story. I started cleaning one area, found some dirty dishes, brought them to the sink, then realized that I should load the diswasher. I had a vase in the dishwasher that needed to be put away, then I realized that my china cabinet was dusty, so here comes the dusting cloth. Then I realized that the table needed a good dusting and polishing. I think you know how the story goes. Good news, I did stop there and then proceeded to continue with my first task until completion. I still need to vaccum though. I guess I'll get to it when I can focus on it. Lesson of the day: multitasking is fine, provided my full attention is on the task at hand.